Kellie Knight Receives NAMI Media Award
At nearly nine-months pregnant, I recently made the 8-hour trip to Minneapolis/St. Paul to stand before an amazing group of people and nervously stammer out a Thank You speech. NAMI Minnesota (National Alliance on Mental Illness) chose my series on mental health in rural America written earlier this year for its Media Award. Continue reading “An Honor and a Privilege”
I woke to the gentle alarm of wind chimes. The wind had come up, and the sun was well into its morning journey. It had been another rough night. Dreams woke me. My bladder woke me. My very sleep position woke me. Continue reading “N=1”
I don’t know what to do next on this health journey.
Food addiction is real. And I’m currently not making any headway on breaking mine.
I don’t have what people would normally call an “eating disorder.” But what I’m learning is that most of us truly do have a food addiction. And we can’t help it. In the name of capitalism, our whole food system in the US is stacked against us, from addictive substances being added to packaged foods en masse, to the horrors of massive slaughter houses, to fresh produce being the most costly purchase in a grocery store.
It’s a sad, sorry state of affairs. And my belly pays the price. (Not to mention my self-worth and overall physical health.) Continue reading “I’m Scared. And Confused. And Distrustful.”
Here’s what not to do…believe me, I know.
I recently completed a 5-day fast and attempted a 6-day fast making it only to day 4. During these fasts I consumed water, water with salt and No Salt added (sodium and potassium chloride), tea, and some bone broth. Immediately after the fasting was over I gained back the weight I had lost, abandoned my focus on all self-care pursuits, and began indulging in sweet and salty food cravings. In short, I accomplished nothing except proving to myself that I can go without food for five days. Here are some lessons learned: Continue reading “Everything I Did Wrong on my Fasting Journey (So Far)”
If I don’t take care of my mind, my mind will sabotage my body.
I broke my 6-day fast on Day 4 with a spoonful of peanut butter. It was 1:30 in the afternoon. I was dripping sweat from my workout but needed to put away the groceries Tony brought home before getting in the shower. While walking the peanut butter to its allotted cupboard, I spun open the lid, grabbed a spoon and dug in before I had the wherewithal to stop myself. And then, I consciously chose to enjoy every single lick of it.
Perhaps it was the salt depletion of the workout. Perhaps it was simply time to eat. But that peanut butter and an ice cold glass of water never tasted so good.
I told Tony that I broke, and he just smiled. “It’s okay, you know,” he said. “Seriously. It’s okay.”
I could have, perhaps should have, gone back to fasting, but I didn’t.
I’m glad there are no rules. I’m glad it’s ok. I’m glad I don’t have to shame and berate myself for enjoying peanut butter as I would have not that many months ago. I’m glad I experienced the determination of Day 3 and it’s mindless opposite on Day 4.
I consciously chose to eat dinner with my family and had popcorn later in the evening. By the end of the night, my belly felt quite miserable and wished I had stuck to my guns. But it’s OK. I can go back to fasting at literally ANY moment.
I’m planning a St. Patrick’s Day themed dinner party on Saturday for a few friends, so my next fasting effort will likely begin again in a few days. In the meantime, I’ll do my best to stick to a small eating window and eat primarily veggies, fat and protein.
It is interesting to note that after a few days of minimal spiritual focus, I fell off the fasting wagon. If I don’t take care of my mind, my mind will sabotage my body. That’s my biggest lesson learned. In the future, perhaps I should put more emphasis on mental, emotional and spiritual pursuits and allow the physical to take shape as I go.
We shall see.
Until the next experiment…
This blows. And as it turns out, I’m a stubborn motherF’er.
This is hard.
Today I wanted ALL the food. I caught myself staring longingly into the refrigerator. At raw ground beef. Eggs. Condiments. Vegetables. Cheese. Even miso paste. I wanted it all. Continue reading “My 6-Day Fast (Day 3)”
It was a good day…why do I feel suspicious?
Woman must be the pioneer in this turning inward for strength.
In a sense she has always been the pioneer. – Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Knock on wood, today was a relatively easy day. I have gotten used to a few random stomach grumblings by now and it simply reminds me to drink more Snake Juice and be grateful that I am finding the fortitude somewhere somehow to push through. In days gone by I would sprint to the fridge or the cupboard, because a rumbling stomach meant, YAY!, time to eat (usually whatever I wanted). I LOVE to eat. I can spend hours planning, obsessing, making lists, saving pins, perusing cookbooks, prepping, chopping, cooking, and so on and so forth. My addiction isn’t just to the food substance, it’s to the whole experience. Continue reading “My 6-Day Fast (Day 2)”