If I don’t take care of my mind, my mind will sabotage my body.
I broke my 6-day fast on Day 4 with a spoonful of peanut butter. It was 1:30 in the afternoon. I was dripping sweat from my workout but needed to put away the groceries Tony brought home before getting in the shower. While walking the peanut butter to its allotted cupboard, I spun open the lid, grabbed a spoon and dug in before I had the wherewithal to stop myself. And then, I consciously chose to enjoy every single lick of it.
Perhaps it was the salt depletion of the workout. Perhaps it was simply time to eat. But that peanut butter and an ice cold glass of water never tasted so good.
I told Tony that I broke, and he just smiled. “It’s okay, you know,” he said. “Seriously. It’s okay.”
I could have, perhaps should have, gone back to fasting, but I didn’t.
I’m glad there are no rules. I’m glad it’s ok. I’m glad I don’t have to shame and berate myself for enjoying peanut butter as I would have not that many months ago. I’m glad I experienced the determination of Day 3 and it’s mindless opposite on Day 4.
I consciously chose to eat dinner with my family and had popcorn later in the evening. By the end of the night, my belly felt quite miserable and wished I had stuck to my guns. But it’s OK. I can go back to fasting at literally ANY moment.
I’m planning a St. Patrick’s Day themed dinner party on Saturday for a few friends, so my next fasting effort will likely begin again in a few days. In the meantime, I’ll do my best to stick to a small eating window and eat primarily veggies, fat and protein.
It is interesting to note that after a few days of minimal spiritual focus, I fell off the fasting wagon. If I don’t take care of my mind, my mind will sabotage my body. That’s my biggest lesson learned. In the future, perhaps I should put more emphasis on mental, emotional and spiritual pursuits and allow the physical to take shape as I go.
This blows. And as it turns out, I’m a stubborn motherF’er.
This is hard.
Today I wanted ALL the food. I caught myself staring longingly into the refrigerator. At raw ground beef. Eggs. Condiments. Vegetables. Cheese. Even miso paste. I wanted it all. Continue reading “My 6-Day Fast (Day 3)”
Woman must be the pioneer in this turning inward for strength. In a sense she has always been the pioneer. – Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Knock on wood, today was a relatively easy day. I have gotten used to a few random stomach grumblings by now and it simply reminds me to drink more Snake Juice and be grateful that I am finding the fortitude somewhere somehow to push through. In days gone by I would sprint to the fridge or the cupboard, because a rumbling stomach meant, YAY!, time to eat (usually whatever I wanted). I LOVE to eat. I can spend hours planning, obsessing, making lists, saving pins, perusing cookbooks, prepping, chopping, cooking, and so on and so forth. My addiction isn’t just to the food substance, it’s to the whole experience. I think I might even be addicted to receiving praise about my cooking. I can also mindless eat, crunching on mixed nuts or chips and salsa being some of my favorites. My mouth watered just now thinking about them.
We make so much of life about food: every meeting, every celebration, every family get-together, every trip to town, every special occasion, basically LIFE centers around food. And I don’t want it to anymore. I want LIFE to be my focus and food to be a pleasant accompaniment. I want to save money instead of needing the best steak in Winnipeg. I want to be able to pass up a doughnut or Halloween candy or morning toast without feeling that it’s just not fair that I have to deprive myself. I don’t want food to dictate the day anymore.
Weight: 165.6 (Down 1.4 pounds from yesterday’s weight: 167)
1 cup cinnamon tea
Approx. 1 liter water
1/3 liter Snake Juice
1 heaping tsp diatomaceous earth
1 cup honey lavender stress release tea
Sleep: Las night was the best night of sleep I’ve had in a VERY long time. I believe it was 8 uninterrupted hours. Daylight “shavings” time, as Tony calls it, always sort of sets me back, plus our weekend away was wonderful but we didn’t come home fully rested. Plus, it’s been at least 5-6 years since I’ve haven’t had to get up for a baby or to use the bathroom. 8 full hours is nothing short of miraculous.
Exercise: I completed Day 45 of 80-Day Obsession lifting heavy and working hard. I was dripping sweat and felt great afterward. Extended stretching also felt amazing after three days of no real physical exercise, not counting walking.
Nitty Gritty: Minor morning sinus and throat inflammation was gone by mid-afternoon. Normal bowel movement still felt unsatisfying. I look forward to the lighter feelings of completely emptying my intestines and colon. Perhaps I should pick up an enema kit. That would be a first.
I had a few small moments of short temper early in the day but was aware and back-tracked. When parenting isn’t easy, there is always the love and joy I experience from my relationship with Tony shining through in the background. We are so much in love, flirting, and enjoying each other. It feels surreal, and the pessimist in me wonders how many more years it can possibly be like this.
I had an interesting dream last night that made me realize I have some unresolved feelings about a situation I was dealing with last week. It’s personal and I simply need to process it and move on.
I have not completed anything on my Nagging Tasks list yet this week so will put that as a focus tomorrow. It feels so good to get things done that need doing.
I got a jump on my two weekly newspaper columns today; it will feel good to get everything in by the Thursday noon deadline again this week. I am trying to break my late submission habits once and for all.
Everything truly is connected; this focus on self-care and physical health definitely has an impact on all areas on my life.
My Simple Abundance reading was about accepting myself as I am. It left me with a fun mantra that I repeated all throughout my workout and periodically – as I remembered – for the rest of the day. “I am what I am and what I am is wonderful.”
A long, slow quiet walk alone today just as the sun was setting was my worship service. I let my thoughts roam and enjoyed the simple chatter of my mind. I took pictures and listened to the distant raven cries. I broke the thin ice on the frozen café latte mud puddles and walked the muddy vehicle tracks that were just on their way to frozen soft-serve consistency. Only one vehicle passed me the entire time I was out. It was delicious solitude that I don’t get very often.
I slept so well last night that I’m planning to do the same hypnosis meditation again before bed. Hoping for a repeat.
After completing a 5-Day fast last week I’m on to the next goal, which already has its own challenges right out of the gate.
Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.– Johan Wolfgang von Goethe
Purpose: To continue pushing my comfort limits, experiment with physical reactions, help establish positive routines, instill self-disciple and break food and sedentary-ness addictions. Continue reading “My 6-Day Fast (Day 1)”
Here’s what I learned from my first mid-length fast.
My lingering cold disappeared completely after 24 hours of my fast. I had been experiencing gland tenderness, earache, and sinus congestion for over a week and within one day of not eating it was gone.